It's been so long since I've been on here. Things have been pretty interesting in my life lately. Many ups and downs, family problems, friend problems, boyfriend problems, etc. But when everything all comes falling down on me, I always have God on my side. I'll write more later. I'm gonna go eat =)

the cfc-youth website is finally open!!

Why does it seem like I will never be able to let you go? I still look at your pictures and the same exact things run through my head. "He's gone?, Why? I just saw him in March & he's gone?" It's about 4AM & I can't sleep because I cry & cry & cry. I'm not saying this up here in public to get sympathy from people. I just miss you so much and this is the only way I can express everything to you. Sometimes I get so mad at you for leaving me.. and other times I'm happy that you're in Heaven with God. But then again there are moments when I doubt God for taking you away from me. & again there are other times when I just can't get enough of praising & thanking God for blessing me with such an amazing cousin like you.

I really feel blessed to have met you 2 months before you passed away. I only knew you for 2 months but within those 2 months I got to know someone I never thought existed. You were amazing, someone I can't explain. I didn't know there could be a guy so sensitive! haha. You were such a great cousin. Always looking out for me.. even if you live thousands of miles away. You were always there for me.. just to give me advice and vice versa. You were there to laugh with, cry with, smile with, & even act stupid with. I remember our random "oh yea? oh yea. oooooohhh yeaaaa. oh yeaaaaaaaa" moment. I remember everything. The way you laugh, talk, cry, everything. You're all I think about. You're all I talk about. If you ask ANYONE I'm with.. it's all about you. Angelo this, Angelo that. I listen to all of the songs you played for me on the guitar and all the songs we sang together. I cry everytime I hear them. when I was in Ohio with my friends for that youth group conference.. the song taking back sunday - a decade under the influence came and the first thing that popped up in my head was "kuya angelo". and of course I said something outloud. "This song reminds me of Kuya Angelo!" & I cried. some of the youth group leaders were singing & playing Tamia - Officially Missing You on the guitar & I thought of when you played & sang that to me. I cried. I guess this shows that I really am desperate to hear your voice again.

I think about how you told me you were going to come up here to Seattle for a little in the summer. Here it is, it's summer. Are you here? I was really looking forward to you coming and my parents were as well. I was happy that I could be able to take you to all the "gangster" places you wanted to go. I was happy that I could spend time with my cousin. I was happy that you could meet all the rest of the Luceno family here in Seattle. I was happy that you would be able to see my house, school, friends, & everyone. I was just so excited. I think about it today and cry. Everything makes me cry but I cry a lot for this. I just wish I could've spent ONE summer with you.

I sleep with your shirt that I have. I wanna be able to feel as if I'm sleeping with my amazing cousin. This sounds weird but I guess this IS how badly I wanna be with my great cousin. I sleep with your shirt and think about you before I go to sleep. Though I haven't dreamt about you since that one dream, I do have dreams of your parents and the rest of the family. When I sleep with your shirt, I feel like I'm sleeping in your bed again when I slept on your bed while I was at your house for your funeral/viewing. I think of how I truly felt your presence while I slept in your room and on your bed.

Every night before I go to sleep, I hear racers outside of my house on the street and the same thing goes through my head. "Angelo". I think of how you raced and didn't survive. That's not something good to be thinking about.. but I kept help but think it. I think of how those people who are racing are thinking "It won't happen to me", just as you said to me when I told you to stop racing once. I think of how they could get into a car accident AT THE SPOT just as it happend for you. Hearing their car go "vrooooom" & accelerate as the speed increases hurts. And ti believe I hear racers racing outside my house EVERY night.. especially on the weekends. On Friday night, it's nonstop. I don't understand why people race.

Talking to a friend today, he was saying "I heard if you can't let go of someone that has passed, you're holding them back". Is that true? Am I holding you back, kuya? If so, I'm sorry. This IS the hardest thing ever. I'm depressed.. sadly, I am. I don't remember losing my bestfriend two years ago being this hard. I don't remember thinking about my bestfriend as much. I don't remember crying for my bestfriend this much. I miss you just way too much. Ahhhhhhh. I'm going CRAZY. I love you Kuya, I really do. Again, I'm sorry for the fact that I CAN'T let you go & I'm sorry it's YOU that's always on my mind. -Stephanie Luceno Jimenez

NO MORE ST.ANTHONY! It's a good & bad thing. Good because I'm not at that school anymore. I've been at that school for 9 years and it has finally come to an end. Bad because I am no longer going to school with ANY of those losers. They're all going to Holy Names, O'Dea, Eastside, or Kennedy and I'll be going to Lindbergh. How cool haha. I still remember ALL my teachers from kindergarden-8th grade. Well, my homerooms at least. Mrs. Richow [sp], Mrs. Seeley, Mrs. Tilson, Ms. Lazor, Mrs. O, Ms. Boyle, Mr. Johnson, Mrs. McHenry, & Mrs. Heffron. HAHA! oh goodness.

TO ALL 60 OF THE ST.ANTHONY GRADUATES: You guys really made my time at St. Anthony ONE-OF-A-KIND. I don't think St. Anthony would've been the same without you guys. You each put a big smile on my face, just as I do to you. I know you guys keep saying "I'm gonna miss your smile" & "I'm gonna miss your laugh!" but we'll have a reunion again! I love you guys TO DEATH. 9 years at st.anthony. I'll never forget you guys! Good luck to ALL of you in highschool =)

SUMMER BEGINS. Actually, summer began last week but it's okay =) haha. Summer has been okay for now. I haven't been out that much but Tuesday was fun stuff =) I went downtown with a bunch of O'Dea & Holy Names heads. I was the only non O'dea/Holy Names person. Sad ehh? Also, I had to take the bus downtown all by myself haha. That was interesting cause there were some interesting people on the bus. We watched THE HONEYMOONERS. That movie is pretty gay, don't watch it haha.

KUYA ANGELO. I remember Kuya Angelo telling me that he would drive up here from California to visit for like.. 3 weeks but it looks like that's not going to happen anymore. I miss him so much. I haven't been crying as much ever since I had that dream about him. I'm glad he came to visit me =) Now I can't wait until I can finally see him again, in Heaven.